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It’s GREAT for your hair!” Me: Ummm... https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/5a1f3627-7e7e-48e3-8a4d-50958e046d08/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Cleaning_Cloths_Flattened.jpg works - zines Cleaning Cloths: Her: “These are great! You definitely need these. So soft. You can use them for ANYTHING.” Me: “Mom, there’s like a lifetime supply in here. Are you sure you don’t want to split them?” Her: “No, I bought a pack for myself, too.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/b218de65-b531-4697-9c06-9d79bc5f5495/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Completely_Me_Flattened.jpg works - zines Leopard Coat- As I stepped through the door, Mom pounced on me and slung a leopard trench coat around my shoulders, cinched the belt tight and spun me around and around until I saw spots. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/247b3489-217f-4e00-b7b9-0ba829409fa5/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Exfoliating_Gel_Flattened.jpg works - zines Exfoliating Gel: "2 Minute Miracle Exfoliating Gel". Some pink shit that you're supposed to slather on, then rub off, but it's really just the product that's sloughing off, NOT your dead skin cells. I know this because I had the same results after applying some on a shampoo bottle. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/9cf9f9eb-d468-4fa2-a22e-1fa8c962eebf/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Facial_Cleansing_System_Flattened.jpg works - zines Facial Cleansing System: She hands me a small cardboard box. “Here.” I open it to find a battery powered brush and some tubes of goo. “This is great for getting blackheads out of your face, but you can also ask R to use it to scrub your bacne.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/5ebf3ca6-f727-48aa-9c47-7e25e31baefe/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Faux_Ponytail_Flattened.jpg works - zines Faux Ponytail: It's surprisingly realistic. At first, I was slightly concerned that some small child in Bangladesh or wherever was scalped for the sake of western vanity. Then one night I was sitting too close to an outdoor heater, I caught a faint whiff of melting Barbie hair, thus my initial fears were extinguished. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/66a8e0eb-0e4c-4095-be85-7973cd5d7688/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Hair_Removal_Flattened.jpg works - zines Hair Remover: “This is for your legs!” she said, a little too eagerly. Charge up the handheld medieval torture device and watch the rotating metal gears rip your hairs out one by one. The sound it makes is reminiscent of a buzz saw. Thanks, Mom! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/8b252283-6465-447a-bc0c-3fd707a7edca/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Health_Master_Flattened.jpg works - zines Montel Williams Health Master Blender: A Montel Williams Health Master Blender that blew up in smoke after a mere 2 uses. (MONTEL, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/e586517a-4ff0-43b2-a9b5-d56e247e6fd0/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Lip_Serum_Flattened.jpg works - zines Lip Serum: Lip enhancing serum, chock full of CAPSAICIN extract. I slathered some on, then followed up with some collagen whatever builder. I now look like Angelina Jolie & a blow up doll's illegitimate love child. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/3b2a973a-90b6-46aa-ae3a-9df435742ef0/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Scorpion_Keychain_Flattened.jpg works - zines Scorpion Keychain Her: “For my little scorpion.” Me: “Scorpio. Thanks, mom! This is faaaaaaancy and quite sparkly.” Her: “I also got a lizard with a tiger eye body, do you want that one too?” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/65e76eee1dbf0b73e0398f39/b1552dc8-2dca-4e51-8646-a90556924626/Shit_My_Mom_Buys_Zine_Shoe_Wheel_Flattened.jpg works - zines Shoe Wheel: "She honks her horn in my driveway. 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